I was doing some research on a new project when I happened to stumble upon an old blog post that I wrote many, many moons ago — we’re talking 2006! — and I thought it would be fun to bring it back around.
And just to clarify: yes, this is a joke! Please don’t send me hate mail!
Noncompliant Diabetics Have More Fun
Is it really such a bad thing?
Let’s face it. Life is short. Taking care of diabetes can be a real drag. So why live your life worrying about eating right and exercising regularly when you’re going to die anyway? You should spend as much time as possible having fun. Compliancy is for people who don’t have anything better to do.
Here are some tips to make diabetes less of a focus in your life:
- Whenever possible, use the way you physically feel as a measure for what your blood sugar level is.
- Whatever your blood sugar level is, try to keep it there for as long as possible.
- If you are low, you should always eat until you feel better.
- The bottle of strips truly is infinite. There is never a need to grab another bottle before leaving the house. It also applies for insulin.
- Lancets can used as many times as possible. Some things just get better with age.
- Cookies and ice cream are called treats because they treat you good. Why give that up?
- Exercise can cause lows.
- A1cs are like grades. The higher, the better.
- Logbooks just take up space anyway.
- If it says to take your medication with food, a brownie is food.
- An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but a cupcake a day keeps a smile on your face.
- Getting a solid 8 hours of sleep is important. Better make sure you aren’t going to go low with a nice big snack before bed.
- Is there a doctor in the house? Not in your house he isn’t. So why should you listen to him when he tells you what to do at home?
- You are what you think. If you think you are 104, then you must be.
- Testing is a sign of weakness.
- If a little is good, a lot’s better. Always round up with your insulin.
- Tired of being nagged by your empty pump? Fill it with water to quiet that annoying beep.
- If your blood sugar didn’t come down the first time you bolused, it doesn’t mean you need to change anything.
- Don’t be mean to your fingers. Prick them as infrequently as possible.
- When your meter says “HI,” be nice and say “hello” back.
- Doctors say that a cure is five to ten years away, so by the time you have complications, they’ll have a cure!
- A blood sugar in the 80s or 90s is awfully close to a low. Better be proactive and have a cookie!
- On Foot Care: If you can’t feel them, they must be fine.
- Your doctor is going to yell at you no matter what you do, so it doesn’t really matter what you do or how often you do it.
- It’s all about which game you are playing. Think of it this way, 100 is a mediocre game in golf, but a 300 is a perfect game in bowling! Just change games!
- If you don’t like your current blood sugar reading, just shuffle the digits so they look nicer.
- Why worry your friends and family with something they can’t fix? Better keep your diabetes to yourself unless they accidentally see you giving yourself an injection.
- If your friends see your medical supplies, just tell them you are a part of a confidential military experiment and you’d tell them, but then you’d have to kill them.
- Snack on celery or carrots when you feel low. It will distract you from the symptoms and you won’t gain weight!
- Alcohol lowers blood sugar, so you don’t need to take injections for food! Bottoms up!
- Like the doctor always said, if it hurts to do something, stop doing it.
- Trying is just the first step towards failure.